#47 of 1,000,000

20201129 Hi P, I've been having panic attacks lately and I'm very anxious. I've been at home for almost a year. My job feels fake. I didn't get my paycheck on Friday, I hope it arrives tomorrow, otherwise they might have fired me. I'm thinking more and more about suicide. I should ask someone competent for help. I'm thinking that no one likes me, that no one loves me. I have the strong feeling that A doesn't like me even a little anymore. She pities me. Yesterday she told me I'm boring. She's absolutely right. Today too, I wasted Sunday; I just ran, cleaned the house, and did the laundry. I watched the Queen movie with Ax. He played all day. I'm scared for him too. He started his second year of university with a lot of exams behind. He has no friends, just like me. I'm a failure. I don't feel secure in my job at all; I feel like I have several gaps. I have to complete my personal project on the AB tests, a topic I know nothing about, and I haven't done anything to learn more.